Afternoon Baseball

Baseball Musings post
Baseball Tonight blog
A oh-so-subtlely faux blog from the "Baseball Tonight" guys on ESPN. Best lines so far from the blog titled "Yard Work":
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Peter Gammons
On the White Sox's early success: "'Even a jackass can get struck by lightning once if he sticks a rod up his butt long enough,' one NL front-office person told me." .... "'You send me down to South America and I can get you ten quickies like Scotty Pip,' Guillen says."
About Bruce Springsteen: Bruce, you're the Barry Bonds of music, and you'll always be the boss. Don't ever let them make you piss in a cup, because you're one of the greats.

Pedro and Tom Glavine giving fantasy baseball advice
On Eric Gagne: Pedro Martinez: If he's so healthy, why is he on the DL? He's no real pitcher. Real pitchers don't get injured. He isn't tough. When I pitch against him I'll knock him down.

On Mike Lowell's slow start: Tom Glavine: That's a very tough decision. On one hand, the MLBPA worked hard to get him that $7.5 million per year and he needs to earn it. On the other hand, I'm sure he's working excessively hard to ameliorate his hitting to acceptable levels.

Larry Bowa's column called "Bleep Bleep":
"I've got a half-empty bottle of Jack, I've got a glass full of ice, and I'm feelin GOOD for once. Gimme some g-ddamn questions!" ....

"Hey, Larry. Looking good on BBTN. How do you feel about the Padres and the Philles, the two teams you used to manage, struggling so far this year?" [M. Jonstone - Brooklyn, NY]

"First of all, f-ck you - I know I look good, so I don't need some limp loser typing with one hand telling me how I look. Also, do I know you? If not, why the f-ck are you calling me by my first name? Call me Mr. Bowa, or call me Janitor, 'cause I'll mop the f-cking floor with you if you keep testing me. And believe me when I say that I won't f-cking flunk. -sshole."